The Lemures Files
  Guest Article: July 1st, 2000

I Want a Tofu Burger with Fries, Damn It!


There's a certain level of maturity a person ought to expect coming to such a well known place like this. Recently though, there's been a decline in quality to these articles. Any evidence that the authour actually put some thought into what they were writing would've been nice. Is it asking too much to come up with some sort of original spin a some topic every is tired of hearing about? Well, is it?

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that lately some articles have degraded to a bitter sarcastic cry--too bad though that it's really one without any basis. Sadly, it's become too trite. Don't you think years of empty television have bred countless ignorant people? I certainly don't think so. I know so--and they seem to be increasing in the "community".

Instead of just plain out complaining about some aspect, why not try to put some consideration into a possible solution. Then, before mouthing off, see whether what you're saying makes sense! For example, a person may suggest airing just a subtitled version of a certain show leaving everything unchanged as the solution to everything. Is this person showing evidence of thinking on their own or is he or she just spewing back something seen a few minutes ago? Well, let's take a look.

A lot of questions come from this example:

Would it be marketable to the N. American audience? How will censors and other powerful people like Rev. Jerry Falwell react and what will be the effect? For God's sake, he attacked a Teletubby! What about those slow readers or people who can see that well? How big is this market? How will the companies in charge benefit?

After asking all of these questions, it doesn't seem like a worthy solution. If the person's still insisting that it's a perfect solution, do you really expect me to take this him seriously? Why would I respect *your* ideas when you're just repeating everything someone else has said? Why eat a plain tofu burger when you can have a tofu burger with fries? Am I being regular? You ought to deal with these questions everyday. Sure, a person has a right to agree (and a right to metamucil). But when you're trying to prove a point already argued about, it's like trying to draw blood from a stone; it's like trying to sell an air conditioner to the Inuit; it's like watching Millionaire. It's a total waste of time!

Other things to consider:

How is having a totally sarcastic tone for no reason other than to complain about an established issue supposed to make others respect my ideas? There's a fine line between sharp wit and bitter old hag syndrome. You decide where you stand.

How will complaining about how stupid something is and only providing an equally stupid remark help prove my point? Remember, Forrest says: "stupid is as stupid does."

Am I repeating myself making me look like I'm just filling up space? Am I really just trying to take up space? Am I repeating myself? Am I really? Repeating myself?

Am I getting a bit too sentimental to be thinking straight? If you're dog died, you lost your favourite pencil, and one of your toenails are falling off, but a certain show made you feel on top of the world, I'd really rather not hear about it.

Humour is wonderful. Sarcasm is useful and witty when used in the right context. For God's sake though, know when what you're writing is a waste of space. Imagine that you're the surfer. Would you value these ideas or would you think that this person is being a bitter immature child? If you would think the latter, it may be time to do a rewrite or cancel your hopes of going into advertising--or politics for that matter (no soggy cigars for you).

There. I've said it, now leave me alone!

Comments on this article can be sent to: TGE.

Comments made on this page are opinions of the author. They are not necessarily shared by Tripod and the Amazoness Quartet.

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