It was a normal day, a boring day, just another day for a Dic rep. He
was surfing on a normal
site, a boring site, just another site petitioning Sailormoon S being
dubbed. They cried out for
less cuts, no changes to Haruka and Michiru's relationship, and to
stick to the original plot.
"Muahahahahah! They expect me to dub the series yet keep everything the
same? Muahahahahahha! I'm
too EVIL for that!" the Dic rep cackled.
Just then, the P.A. system turned on and his secretary relayed this
"That's DOCTOR Evil to you. I didn't spend years in an evil medical
school to be called Mister."
"(ahem) DOCTOR Evil, a rep from the Cartoon Network is here to see
Dr. Evil put a finger to his mouth, pulled out his little torture
switchbox, then replied,
"Send him in."
An ugly woman charged in then slammed the door.
"Why, Frau, how nice to see you!" Dr. Evil said in his most sarcastic
Frau growled then yelled, "THESE STUPID SAILOR MOON FANS WANT MORE! I'M
TIRED OF BEING WRITTEN TO
BY 5 YEAR OLDS SAYING THEY WERE SENT BY SOMETHING CALLED S.O.S.! LET'S
JUST DO A DUB OF THE NEXT
TWO SEASONS AND END ALL THIS!"
Dr. Evil put his finger to his mouth again and calmly replied, "I
thought there were three
seasons to do, Frau."
"THOSE SAILOR STARLIGHTS ARE TOO FREAKY! I'M NOT PUTTING THAT ON MY
Dr. Evil thought for a few seconds, then motioned for Frau to sit down.
"If we are to dub the series, we will need money."
"THAT'S NO PROBLEM! IRWIN'LL PAY FOR EVERYTHING!" Frau yelled.
Dr. Evil smiled evilly, and said, "Well then, we'll have to charge them
(camera close-up) ONE
Frau turned around and called to the door, "NUMBAH TWOOOOO!!!!!" A man
with a patch over one eye
walked into the room. Number 2 shifted his eye then sat down.
Dr. Evil spoke. "You are the Irwin rep, I presume?"
Number 2 thought, then replied, "Yes. I am in charge of all the evil
toys. Those really BIG dolls
and those made-up items were my idea." Dr. Evil cackled.
"Wonderful! We'll need you to make a Sailor Saturn doll, a Mistress
Nine doll that keeps on
growing hair that you can cut, more Moon Sceptres, Death Busters and
Dead Moon Circus
dolls, and make up some more crap to soak more money off the helpless
Number 2 wrote down this list. "How about a crappy plastic red rose we
can pass off as Tuxedo
Mask's rose?" Number 2 asked.
Dr. Evil nodded. "And don't forget a cheap horse painted white so we
can call it Pegasus."
Frau was getting bored. "Alright, enough about the toys, how about the
episodes? What are we
gonna call Sailor Chibi Moon?"
Dr Evil put a finger to his mouth then said, "I shall call her..Mini
Moon. Who's the guy in
charge of dubbing?" Frau pointed to the slow-witted janitor. The
janitor took out a notepad and
wrote down Dr. Evil's suggestion.
"Whut about dat skinny guy with da glasses and noooh face?"
Dr. Evil thought for a few seconds then said, "Skinny Bastard. Call him
Skinny Bastard." The
janitor wrote this down. "We'll keep all the other names but
mispronounce them hideously.
Kaolinite will be Kaori Night, Eudial will be You Deal, Mimete will be
Me Mat, Tellu will be
Telephone, Viluy will be Computer Lady, Cyprine and that other girl
will be called Double and
Trouble, and Mistress 9 will be called Miss Lady."
The janitor wrote this down. "Whut about dat sexy gothic
chick..Hotareyou?" "Call her some
three-syllable name. I don't care." The janitor thought for a second,
then wrote down Jennifer.
"Whut are we gonna call the attacks?" Dr. Evil opened up a dictionary,
flipped through a few
pages, then pointed a finger at a random word.
"World Shaking will be Uranus Aluminium Planet Crush." He did the same
thing again. "Deep Submerge
will be Neptune Wave Splash." He did it again. "Dead Scream will be
Pluto Pink Ball of Energy."
The janitor wrote this down, then asked, "Whut about those new
thingies? You know..the talismans."
"Just leave them the same. But call the Holy Grail the Coffee Cup and
the Messiah the Ultimate
Being. Don't wanna offend those sensitive people with other religions,
right?" The janitor nodded
and continued writing.
"Whut ah we gonna do about that dark 'ol plot thar?"
Dr. Evil thought, then spoke. "We'll cut out Raye's dreams, just give
her the old 'bad vibes'
explanation. We'll call the Heart Crystals the Energy Crystals, call
the Death Busters the
Negabusters, and just completely rewrite the scenes that mention the
Armageddon." The janitor
wrote this down, then tried to think of anything else to cover. Dr.
Evil nodded and said,
"Anything else that we can't change, just cut it out."
The janitor nodded, wrote this down, and said, "Whut about those voice
stahs? Are we gunna use
the same ones?"
Dr. Evil nodded, then replied, "Except for Vince Corazza, who plays
Tux. We'll get Mike Myers to
do his part, and change all his in-depth speeches into 'These Sailor
Scouts are shagadelic, man!'
and 'Takin' people's energy just isn't groovy, baby.'" The janitor
nodded, then exited.
Frau and Number 2 had long since fallen asleep. Dr. Evil cleared his
throat loudly and they woke
up. "Now we've got the dubbing part settled, I'll need a little bit
of.." He pointed out his hand
and rubbed it to signify that he wanted money.
Frau wrote out a cheque for $10 to buy the series. "WITH THE WAY YOU'RE
GOING TO DUB IT, THAT'S
ALL IT'S WORTH!" She got up and left. Dr. Evil put the cheque away,
then looked at Number 2.
"I'm expecting my (close up) ONE MILLION DOLLARS." Number 2 opened his
suitcase full of money.
Dr. Evil grinned, then started laughing.
"MUAHAHAHAHHAHA... MUAHAHHAHAHHAHA....... MUAHAHHAHAHAHAH.... MUAHHAHAHHAHHAHHA... wait.
Number 2 laughed. "I'm a step ahead of you. Pop-Tarts are putting out a
Heart Attack flavour." Dr. Evil started laughing again.
MUAHAHHAHAHAHAH... MUAHAHHAHAHAHAH.." (fade out)
Comments on this article can be sent to: Myrna-chan.