The Lemures Files
  Guest Article: May 22, 2001

Hooray for Season 5!!!

By: Katherine

OK, so we all (or at least, most of us) want season 5 translated, right? (RIGHT?!?!) Well, I've got some excellent ideas on how to do this! Now first of all, I think we should bring DiC back. I think that Cloverway has a little to much of a soul to do some of my proposed changes...

Well first of all, we need to make Sailor Moon more popular so that companies will WANT to translate! How about we increase the demographic appeal of BSSM by A) doing what Saban suggested in their visionary trailer and make Sailor Jupiter African-American. Serena could become Mexican too! B) Lil' kiddies like dogs, don't they? I say that if they could go back and add people into the new Star Wars movies, they can do it for BSSM too! So, let's put in a few dogs and go with it! Or better yet, let's turn Artemis and Luna into dogs! People won't notice! C) Letís make Artemis a girl! I mean, seriously, kiddies might get the wrong idea, what with a male cat having a girls name! Perish the thought!

Now, about the Starlights being both girls and boys, well, we can handle this in a perfectly easy manner! Just delete them! Change the plot line entirely! Usagi fights monsters which appear for no reason and get blasted by unseen shooters. We can just say that Usagi has started believing in ghosts...No? You don't like that idea? Ok, well, we could turn them into girls all the time (wow, would it be JUST like the manga? Maybe...) and when Seiya is pursuing Usagi, he's/she's just trying to find a new best friend! Yeah, kinda like Lita and Amara (note the dub names, I did that on purpose) when Lita was "trying to find a new best friend." So what if Usagi and Seiya share intimate moments, just delete them!

Ah, but there's the matter of the Senshi dying...Well, why don't we just say that they are asleep? Or meditating? Can't you just HEAR the dialog? "Raye, don't die and disappear!!!" *Voice as the body disappears* "I'm not dying, I'm just raising my body to a new consciousness! Haven't you ever meditated Meatball Head?!" "Oh, sorry Raye, carry on. See ya when I'm done with Galaxia..." "Bye, have fun Serena!"

Neptune and Uranus (the cousins who hold hands like none I've ever seen! *see SMS when they are in their apartment. I can't believe they left that in the dub! My cousin and I don't do that...ick!*) could fall asleep because they're REALLY tired and need a nap. While they're asleep, Galaxia could send them to Earth so that they won't be grouchy if they wake up.

OK, so now you ask, what about the last episode, what with the naked bodies and swords and dying kiddies (ChibiChibi) and stuff? Well, gosh! Who needs a last episode?! I mean, they didn't finish the SuperS season really (I know that the latter half of the Neherenia/Dead Moon arc is in Sailor Stars, but I still think its an extension of SuperS, kinda a lead into the next season) and they had no problem with that! Just show the "Day of Destiny" clip and make up a dialog about how Galaxia turned into Beryl or something. I mean, no one's seen that episode in years, right? Just put everything together kinda cookie-cutter like and hope for the best. Besides, kids today have short attention spans, so the numerous costume changes will keep them occupied!

Oh, and donít think that Iíve forgotten about the names too! Well, here are my proposals:
Seiya = Tom
Yaten = Dick
Taiki = Harry
Perfectly American names for a perfectly American show! Heaven forbid that the children be corrupted by seeing something that just MIGHT be even SLIGHTLY Japanese in nature! Kakyuu = Kathy Isnít that a good name for a princess? Maybe she could go by Katherine to make it more regal (and no Iím not biased because Katherine is my nameÖ) Iron Mouse, Aluminum Siren, and Lead Crow could stay the same, I guessÖ^_^í Of course, Tin Nyanko would have to be Bob. Thereís just no other fitting translation! Why would her name need to fit with everyone elseís name anyway? Chibi-Chibi = Muffin. Isnít that a cuter name than Chibi-Chibi? She could just go around saying ďMuffinĒ all of the time!

While weíre at it, letís change Hotaruís name, just for the heck of it! All those poor American kids had trouble remembering, so letís call her Gigi. Isnít it fitting for her?

Well, that's my plan for the future of BSSM. Let's all spam DiC and tell them to get the rights back so that they can put my visionary genius onto our televisions! Ta-ta for now!

Comments on this article can be sent to: Katherine.

Comments made on this page are opinions of the author. They are not necessarily shared by Tripod and the Amazoness Quartet.

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