OK, so we all (or at least, most of us) want season 5 translated,
right? (RIGHT?!?!) Well, I've got some excellent ideas on how to do this!
Now first of all, I think we should bring DiC back. I think that
Cloverway has a little to much of a soul to do some of my proposed
Well first of all, we need to make Sailor Moon more popular so that
companies will WANT to translate! How about we increase the demographic
appeal of BSSM by A) doing what Saban suggested in their visionary
trailer and make Sailor Jupiter African-American. Serena could become
Mexican too! B) Lil' kiddies like dogs, don't they? I say that if they
could go back and add people into the new Star Wars movies, they can do it
for BSSM too! So, let's put in a few dogs and go with it! Or better
yet, let's turn Artemis and Luna into dogs! People won't notice! C)
Letís make Artemis a girl! I mean, seriously, kiddies might get the
wrong idea, what with a male cat having a girls name! Perish the thought!
Now, about the Starlights being both girls and boys, well, we can
handle this in a perfectly easy manner! Just delete them! Change the plot
line entirely! Usagi fights monsters which appear for no reason and
get blasted by unseen shooters. We can just say that Usagi has started
believing in ghosts...No? You don't like that idea? Ok, well, we could
turn them into girls all the time (wow, would it be JUST like the
manga? Maybe...) and when Seiya is pursuing Usagi, he's/she's just trying
to find a new best friend! Yeah, kinda like Lita and Amara (note the
dub names, I did that on purpose) when Lita was "trying to find a new
best friend." So what if Usagi and Seiya share intimate moments, just
Ah, but there's the matter of the Senshi dying...Well, why don't we
just say that they are asleep? Or meditating? Can't you just HEAR the
"Raye, don't die and disappear!!!"
*Voice as the body disappears* "I'm not dying, I'm just raising my body
to a new consciousness! Haven't you ever meditated Meatball Head?!"
"Oh, sorry Raye, carry on. See ya when I'm done with Galaxia..."
"Bye, have fun Serena!"
Neptune and Uranus (the cousins who hold hands like none I've ever
seen! *see SMS when they are in their apartment. I can't believe they left
that in the dub! My cousin and I don't do that...ick!*) could fall
asleep because they're REALLY tired and need a nap. While they're asleep,
Galaxia could send them to Earth so that they won't be grouchy if they
OK, so now you ask, what about the last episode, what with the naked
bodies and swords and dying kiddies (ChibiChibi) and stuff? Well, gosh!
Who needs a last episode?! I mean, they didn't finish the SuperS
season really (I know that the latter half of the Neherenia/Dead Moon arc is
in Sailor Stars, but I still think its an extension of SuperS, kinda a
lead into the next season) and they had no problem with that! Just
show the "Day of Destiny" clip and make up a dialog about how Galaxia
turned into Beryl or something. I mean, no one's seen that episode in
years, right? Just put everything together kinda cookie-cutter like and
hope for the best. Besides, kids today have short attention spans, so
the numerous costume changes will keep them occupied!
Oh, and donít think that Iíve forgotten about the names too! Well,
here are my proposals:
Seiya = Tom
Yaten = Dick
Taiki = Harry
Perfectly American names for a perfectly American show! Heaven forbid
that the children be corrupted by seeing something that just MIGHT be
even SLIGHTLY Japanese in nature!
Kakyuu = Kathy Isnít that a good name for a princess? Maybe she could
go by Katherine to make it more regal (and no Iím not biased because
Katherine is my nameÖ)
Iron Mouse, Aluminum Siren, and Lead Crow could stay the same, I
Of course, Tin Nyanko would have to be Bob. Thereís just no other
fitting translation! Why would her name need to fit with everyone elseís
Chibi-Chibi = Muffin. Isnít that a cuter name than Chibi-Chibi? She
could just go around saying ďMuffinĒ all of the time!
While weíre at it, letís change Hotaruís name, just for the heck of
it! All those poor American kids had trouble remembering, so letís call
her Gigi. Isnít it fitting for her?
Well, that's my plan for the future of BSSM. Let's all spam DiC and
tell them to get the rights back so that they can put my visionary genius
onto our televisions! Ta-ta for now!
Comments on this article can be sent to: Katherine.