The Lemures Files
  Guest Article: April 25th, 2000

A New Rant On DiC

By: Elizabeth Smith

Note: None of this is meant to be taken seriously- it's purely for entertainment purposes. Do you think anyone would actually listen to this?! ^_^ If you don't speak Lulu-language, "Oh soggy" means Usagi. And also, no offense to dub fans. Most dubbies I know watch it because it's all they can get. Okay, we all know about DiC's valley girl voice actors, bad image quality, those famous "DiCisms", retarded name changes... I could go on forever. But I have another problem with them that I haven't seen anyone address yet. DiC is extremely hazardous to your mental health!!!

No, really. Take my friend, "Lulu", for instance. She's been watching dub Sailor Moon for... oh, five years or so. Anyways, I made her watch my Sailor Moon S movie. Her only comment was "Why do they talk so retarded?" Okay, so she DID have to admit that Luna sounded a lot better, but she went on and on about "What kinda name is 'oh soggy' or whatever?! Serena is better! And Chibi-Usa is a retarded name too! 'Oh soggy's' voice is too high!!!" Blah blah blah. Isn't that sad? Her brain is so warped that she didn't like the Sailor Moon S movie... So I tried lending her my prized episode 199/200 tape. (I didn't want to, but it was that or listen to her talk about 'Reeny' and 'Lita' for the rest of the year... ^_^) Anyways, she took it home and kept it for a few days. When she returned it, the first thing she said was "I liked it!" I was thinking "Wow, that was easy..." when suddenly...

Lulu: Are those retards in the black leather guys or girls?!

Me: Hey!! They're not retards! ...besides, Yaten is cute! hehe...

Lulu: That was so gay, how those two wanted to hold hands when they died...

Me:, do you have any last wishes before YOU die? ::holds up a fist::

Lulu: (not listening) What is UP with Sailor Moon's outfit?

Me: (in a small voice) ok, I have to admit it's a little loud, but...

Lulu: And why was she naked at the end?

Me: I give up!!!

Yes, those are the sad effects of the dub on newbies' lives. She didn't even like episode 200. But NOW, listen to what the dub can do to otaku! I'm not really the best example, since I was mentally disturbed to begin with, but here we go anyways. ^_^ Okay, I was in my room, just sitting and trying to think of an article to write to send in to a Sailor Moon page, since I was a little bored. I was also thinking about all that SOS crap about "Prince Uranus" that I had just found out about. (I'm reeeeally out of it... ^_^)

Anyways, that led to the topic "What DiC could do wrong when dubbing Sailor Moon S". I was about to go to my computer and write an article about the Haruka/Michiru sisters thing, when an idea hit me. You know Zoisite and Kunzite? ...and how they changed Zoisite into a girl...? and... Haruka and Michiru... This is proof that DiC is hazardous to your mental health. How else could I even THINK of something that sick?! (although it does sound like something DiC would try to pull off...) Just an hour before I had been watching the last episode of Sailor Moon, dubbed of course, to laugh at "Carry On" and "It's a New Day". This must have led to me slowly going crazy. (hmm... now I have something to blame my insanity on!) But wait! They're naming her "Corinn", and that's a girl's name. That idea popped into my head just in time for me to avoid throwing all my DiC merchandise out the window.

Anyways, then I sat down again, relieved, but then suddenly thought: "Oh no! What about the episode where Minako and Usagi are chasing Haruka around because they think she's a guy?!" It's ruined- they can't do an episode like that with her named "Corinn". I liked that episode! So, not knowing what to do, I first began running around my room in circles, and then I grabbed my plastic Sailor Uranus doll and hugged it. Which proves that DiC is hazardous to your physical health as well. I have a tiny boot-shaped imprint on my arm! And it hurts!!! Of course, then the doll's arm had to go and fall off, which really didn't do anything for my sanity. er... Okay, now for your enjoyment, the symptoms of dubbie-ism. ^-^ about that whole deal with "Corinn". It's scary.

Phase 1- You watch the dub and actually begin to like it a little. At this stage, you can easily be converted to an otaku, also known as a "purist". Just collect a few S, SuperS, and Stars things like cards or toys and you're set. about that whole deal with "Corinn". It's scary.

Phase 2- You collect the Cardzillion cards and become very upset when you miss an episode. This case of dubbie-ism is also easy to cure- watch some subbed episodes. You might even get used to raw Japanese episodes after some time. about that whole deal with "Corinn". It's scary.

Phase 3- You collect the cards, dolls, plastic moon wands, etc. You usually start crying when you miss an episode. You like Sailor Says. You think it's cool that DiC changes all the attack names and voice actresses because it gives the show variety. This form of dubbie-ism is a bit tough to cure. You'll need an otaku friend to correct you when you use dub names, plus those subbed episodes. You'll also need to be gradually introduced to Haruka, Michiru, and the Starlights. about that whole deal with "Corinn". It's scary.

Phase 4- Someone tries to convert you to an otaku, and after watching the original episodes, you say they were weird and you like the dub better. You like Sailor Says, and you have all the dub merchandise. You've flamed a few anti-DiC groups. At this stage, dubbie-ism is significantly harder to cure- you will need a team of otaku to beat you up when you try to use a dub name, and a lot of subbed episodes. You'll probably never watch anything past Sailormoon and Sailormoon R. Phase 5- You HATE the original. You worship DiC and you love Rini's voice. You think Luna's voice is better in the dub because she's supposed to be Serena's advisor, not some stupid little kitten that talks in a high voice. You LOVE Sailor Says. You get the emails of all members of those anti-DiC organizations and overflow their inboxes with flames. You've bought every dubbed tape, but you won't buy the movies because they have the "Jap characters" in them. Sorry, but at this stage, dubbie-ism is incurable. about that whole deal with "Corinn". It's scary.

Anyways, uh, that's my little rant. Feel free to leave now... And think about that whole deal with "Corinn". It's scary.

Comments on this article can be sent to: Elizabeth Smith.

Comments made on this page are opinions of the author. They are not necessarily shared by Tripod and the Amazoness Quartet.

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