By: Elizabeth Smith
Note: None of this is meant to be taken seriously- it's purely for
entertainment purposes. Do you think anyone would actually listen to
this?!
^_^ If you don't speak Lulu-language, "Oh soggy" means Usagi. And also,
no
offense to dub fans. Most dubbies I know watch it because it's all they
can
get.
Okay, we all know about DiC's valley girl voice actors, bad image
quality, those famous "DiCisms", retarded name changes... I could go on
forever. But I have another problem with them that I haven't seen
anyone
address yet. DiC is extremely hazardous to your mental health!!!
No, really. Take my friend, "Lulu", for instance. She's been
watching dub
Sailor Moon for... oh, five years or so. Anyways, I made her watch my
Sailor
Moon S movie. Her only comment was "Why do they talk so retarded?"
Okay, so
she DID have to admit that Luna sounded a lot better, but she went on
and on
about "What kinda name is 'oh soggy' or whatever?! Serena is better!
And
Chibi-Usa is a retarded name too! 'Oh soggy's' voice is too high!!!"
Blah
blah blah. Isn't that sad? Her brain is so warped that she didn't like
the
Sailor Moon S movie... So I tried lending her my prized episode 199/200
tape. (I didn't want to, but it was that or listen to her talk about
'Reeny'
and 'Lita' for the rest of the year... ^_^) Anyways, she took it home
and
kept it for a few days. When she returned it, the first thing she said
was
"I liked it!" I was thinking "Wow, that was easy..." when suddenly...
Lulu: Are those retards in the black leather guys or girls?!
Me: Hey!! They're not retards! ...besides, Yaten is cute! hehe...
Lulu: That was so gay, how those two wanted to hold hands when they
died...
Me: ...so, do you have any last wishes before YOU die? ::holds up a
fist::
Lulu: (not listening) What is UP with Sailor Moon's outfit?
Me: (in a small voice) ok, I have to admit it's a little loud, but...
Lulu: And why was she naked at the end?
Me: I give up!!!
Yes, those are the sad effects of the dub on newbies' lives. She
didn't
even like episode 200. But NOW, listen to what the dub can do to otaku!
I'm
not really the best example, since I was mentally disturbed to begin
with,
but here we go anyways. ^_^ Okay, I was in my room, just sitting and
trying
to think of an article to write to send in to a Sailor Moon page, since
I
was a little bored. I was also thinking about all that SOS crap about
"Prince Uranus" that I had just found out about. (I'm reeeeally out of
it...
^_^)
Anyways, that led to the topic "What DiC could do wrong when
dubbing
Sailor Moon S". I was about to go to my computer and write an article
about
the Haruka/Michiru sisters thing, when an idea hit me. You know Zoisite
and
Kunzite? ...and how they changed Zoisite into a girl...? and... Haruka
and
Michiru... This is proof that DiC is hazardous to your mental health.
How
else could I even THINK of something that sick?! (although it does
sound
like something DiC would try to pull off...) Just an hour before I had
been
watching the last episode of Sailor Moon, dubbed of course, to laugh at
"Carry On" and "It's a New Day". This must have led to me slowly going
crazy. (hmm... now I have something to blame my insanity on!) But wait!
They're naming her "Corinn", and that's a girl's name. That idea popped
into
my head just in time for me to avoid throwing all my DiC merchandise
out the
window.
Anyways, then I sat down again, relieved, but then suddenly
thought:
"Oh no! What about the episode where Minako and Usagi are chasing
Haruka
around because they think she's a guy?!" It's ruined- they can't do an
episode like that with her named "Corinn". I liked that episode! So,
not
knowing what to do, I first began running around my room in circles,
and
then I grabbed my plastic Sailor Uranus doll and hugged it. Which
proves
that DiC is hazardous to your physical health as well. I have a tiny
boot-shaped imprint on my arm! And it hurts!!! Of course, then the
doll's
arm had to go and fall off, which really didn't do anything for my
sanity.
er... Okay, now for your enjoyment, the symptoms of dubbie-ism. ^-^
about that whole deal with "Corinn". It's scary.
Phase 1- You watch the dub and actually begin to like it a little. At
this
stage, you can easily be converted to an otaku, also known as a
"purist".
Just collect a few S, SuperS, and Stars things like cards or toys and
you're
set.
about that whole deal with "Corinn". It's scary.
Phase 2- You collect the Cardzillion cards and become very upset when
you
miss an episode. This case of dubbie-ism is also easy to cure- watch
some
subbed episodes. You might even get used to raw Japanese episodes after
some
time.
about that whole deal with "Corinn". It's scary.
Phase 3- You collect the cards, dolls, plastic moon wands, etc. You
usually
start crying when you miss an episode. You like Sailor Says. You think
it's
cool that DiC changes all the attack names and voice actresses because
it
gives the show variety. This form of dubbie-ism is a bit tough to cure.
You'll need an otaku friend to correct you when you use dub names, plus
those subbed episodes. You'll also need to be gradually introduced to
Haruka, Michiru, and the Starlights.
about that whole deal with "Corinn". It's scary.
Phase 4- Someone tries to convert you to an otaku, and after watching
the
original episodes, you say they were weird and you like the dub better.
You
like Sailor Says, and you have all the dub merchandise. You've flamed a
few
anti-DiC groups. At this stage, dubbie-ism is significantly harder to
cure-
you will need a team of otaku to beat you up when you try to use a dub
name,
and a lot of subbed episodes. You'll probably never watch anything past
Sailormoon and Sailormoon R.
Phase 5- You HATE the original. You worship DiC and you love Rini's
voice.
You think Luna's voice is better in the dub because she's supposed to
be
Serena's advisor, not some stupid little kitten that talks in a high
voice.
You LOVE Sailor Says. You get the emails of all members of those
anti-DiC
organizations and overflow their inboxes with flames. You've bought
every
dubbed tape, but you won't buy the movies because they have the "Jap
characters" in them. Sorry, but at this stage, dubbie-ism is incurable.
about that whole deal with "Corinn". It's scary.
Anyways, uh, that's my little rant. Feel free to leave now... And think
about that whole deal with "Corinn". It's scary.
Comments on this article can be sent to: Elizabeth Smith.
