The Lemures Files
  Guest Article: June 8th, 1998

Geo World Report

By: Ben Goodger


We've just spent heaps of money improving our homepage and making it faster loading than any of your pages to keep our advertisers' mouths shut. We've already had tonnes of good comments; writes: "I FiNk DaT DiZ DeZyNe iZ Da BoMb!!" New features of the Geosh**ies homepage include:

  • Harder to find contact information
  • More prominent advertising

After many hours of not consulting with our users, we've decided on a new plan to slow down our member's homepages, clutter up their pages while at the same time incorporating more advertising into Geoshi**ies! We call our new invention GeoGrouch, and its an intrusive slow loading Java Applet that sits on the tops of Geoshi**ies pages. We plan to let homesteaders incorporate this into their pages, spend hours customising it to make it look half decent, then change the format completely so their work is all lost! Then after that, we'll get those homesteaders that didn't go with the flow, by adding annoying popup windows to every page that doesnt feature GeoGrouch!! Of course this is all to maintain a free service (which we have done for years without the ads) and give away a meg of extra space that 80% of homesteaders (judging from the Tokyo directory at any rate) wont even use!
What's more, we'll claim that the new GeoGrouch is customisable when the custom options are really pathetic and inflexible.


We've found a lot more featured pages. Most of them are horribly designed because for some reason most of the pages on our servers are trash (comes with providing free space I guess) and we simply have to pick the best of what we have. Of course the truly good sites will be overlooked for some trashy, midi laden nonsense with animating gifs, and our GeoGrouch.


Show your friends what a dork you are by wearing our new GeoDork fashion line! Tshirts, sweaters and boxer shorts are available in Xtra Large and Xtra Small. Colors: white and black. The "I love GeoShi**ies" logo is embossed on both side, along with more advertising from our sponsors! We wouldnt want to miss the oppourtunity to have living advertisements!
Surf to http://www.geoshi** for pictures of real live GeoDorks modelling our clothes!


You dumb f-ck!


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Report them on our comment form! Its almost as hard to find as Microsofts! If you can find our comment form and email your comments to the right address, we'll give you an extra meg of server space!!


We know you hate that bastard over in ChinaTown/WhoreHouse/7995, and you know he's got stuff that violates our system policy (i.e. any decent content), so tell on him and get his details submitted to thirty four international e-advertising agencies! All free! And as our gift to you, we'll dock you a meg of space for telling!

Comments on this article can be sent to: Ben Goodger.

Comments made on this page are opinions of the author. They are not necessarily shared by Tripod and the Amazoness Quartet.

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