The Lemures Files
  Guest Article: October 12, 1999

Goodbye SM Community

By: Apatt

Any regular visitor to my web site "The SM Zone" ( will have noticed that I have not updated it for quite a while, yet many people continue to visit regardless, for which I am very grateful. I have been thinking for a while now of writing an explanation of why I have failed to update my SM related web sites, because I feel I owe it to my visitors and those who continue to support me.even after such a lengthy absence. (I will use "SMC" to denote SM on-line community for the purposes of this article). This is not an exercise in self indulgence for me, I hope that some of what I am writing here will be food for thought to some readers too.

I am sure many people will have observed the recent trend of "famous SM web masters" (I reject the "elite" concept) leaving or not updating their SM sites, Ro, Mara, Ben, and my good friends the Kraiders to name but a few. Some of them have not explicitly indicated that they will not update again, so it is inappropriate for me to say whether all these sites are "dead".

As for the SM Zone itself, I am not going say that it is dead either, it would be more accurate to say that I have no plan for updating at the moment, or in the foreseeable future (but then the future is generally unforeseeable isn't it? ^_-). "Never say never" is my motto! ^^

Before I explain my reasons for not updating, I would like to clarify my feelings towards the SMC. I don't think it's what people expect it to be. A few people who have "left" the SMC indicated that they are disgusted with all the fighting, bickering, flames, and thefts that go on. For me, the less than admirable behavior of a minority of the SMC participants is not really a cause for concern, the majority of the people I have come across are nice, down to earth and reasonable. However, the SMC itself is populous enough to have the characteristics of any real life community, in which there will always be some strife. So I tend to look at the occasional outbreaks of flame wars as "people being people". Indeed, I have much to be grateful to the SMC for, by visiting my site in what I would consider to be large numbers, I have been inspired to refine my craft, to write better, to make better graphics and layouts. I am very grateful for all the nice e-mails, guestbook entries, links, and interviews. As for those who have flamed me or had problems with me in the past I hold no grudges, and if I have acted inappropriately I hope they will forgive me too.

I think the primary reason for leaving is the Sailormoon anime itself, it has been over for quite a while, and I have seen practically all 200 episodes. I have been much entertained by it and loved it, but subsequently I have seen other animes that I felt entertained by and loved even more (Fushigi Yuugi immediately springs to mind). So, although my affection for the SM series remains (Sailorstars is on TV even as I write), my passion for it has faded. Without passion there is no inspiration, I don't wish to crank out pages with no feelings in them, it would be a chore, and I would be doing myself and my visitors no favor at all.

Even though I have subsequently seen several anime series which I consider to be better than SM I have no plan to create a web site about them. This brings me to my next reason. Having tasted fame of sorts and found it to be nice but ultimately meaningless I felt the need to move on. I wanted more time to read, watch TV, chat with friends etc. when web authoring became my passion I had to give up reading because I wanted to spend every free moment on improving my site, now I am happily plowing through books again.

My final reason is personal, shortly before I stopped updating the SM Zone I became unhappy, this has nothing to do with the web site itself, just a melancholy phase I was going through. Obviously in that state of mind I was in no condition to write about SM! Even my friends became irritated with my general pessimistic outlook. I felt like my life was meaningless, I lost my peace of mind, and I was generally no good for anybody including myself. I bought and read several "self help" books and while they were interesting they didn't work for me. A lot of them advise that if you want to be happy you just consciously decide to be happy and if you do that often enough and with conviction you are there, I did give the idea a try but it didn't work, I didn't consciously decide to be unhappy so I couldn't simply decide to be happy either. One of these books had a strong religious theme and I became intrigued by the idea. Then I talked to several friends who have always been Christian and one thing led to another and I am now a happy Christian! ^_^ Far be it for me to discuss Christianity here. I can imagine a few guffaws from many readers at the mere mention of it. I will not go in to reasons why Christianity works for me, suffice to say that it does, this is hardly the appropriate venue for apologetics.

Before I wrap this up I would like to thank:

The AQ, and the M Squad : for their support and being instrumental in bringing the SM Zone (and SM Toolbox) to a wider audience

My friends, Ro, Naomi, Ruk, Jov, Bow, Rae, Calisto, Psyber, Mara, Ben, Skeeter, Elora, Sher, Sailor Grub, TC, Jared, Tomu, and Lunar Dragon, all have shown kindness and support for me in the past, for which will always be grateful.

My visitors: I am honored by everybody who visit my site, everybody who linked me, everybody who wrote to me to show their appreciation, and everybody who signed my guestbook (except silly flamers and plug merchants ^^;). The SM Zone will not be taken down, as long as people are still interested in the contents it will always be around.

My thank to you all, God bless! ^_^

Comments on this article can be sent to: apatt.

Comments made on this page are opinions of the author. They are not necessarily shared by Tripod and the Amazoness Quartet.

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