By: Apatt
Any regular visitor to my web site "The SM Zone"
(http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/9846/sm-index.html)
will have
noticed that I have not updated it for quite a while, yet
many people
continue to visit regardless, for which I am very grateful.
I have been
thinking for a while now of writing an explanation of why I
have failed to
update my SM related web sites, because I feel I owe it to
my visitors and
those who continue to support me.even after such a lengthy
absence. (I will
use "SMC" to denote SM on-line community for the purposes
of this article).
This is not an exercise in self indulgence for me, I hope
that some of what
I am writing here will be food for thought to some readers
too.
I am sure many people will have observed the recent trend
of "famous SM web
masters" (I reject the "elite" concept) leaving or not
updating their SM
sites, Ro, Mara, Ben, and my good friends the Kraiders to
name but a few.
Some of them have not explicitly indicated that they will
not update again,
so it is inappropriate for me to say whether all these
sites are "dead".
As for the SM Zone itself, I am not going say that it is
dead either, it
would be more accurate to say that I have no plan for
updating at the
moment, or in the foreseeable future (but then the future
is generally
unforeseeable isn't it? ^_-). "Never say never" is my
motto! ^^
Before I explain my reasons for not updating, I would like
to clarify my
feelings towards the SMC. I don't think it's what people
expect it to be. A
few people who have "left" the SMC indicated that they are
disgusted with
all the fighting, bickering, flames, and thefts that go on.
For me, the
less than admirable behavior of a minority of the SMC
participants is not
really a cause for concern, the majority of the people I
have come across
are nice, down to earth and reasonable. However, the SMC
itself is populous
enough to have the characteristics of any real life
community, in which
there will always be some strife. So I tend to look at the
occasional
outbreaks of flame wars as "people being people". Indeed, I
have much to be
grateful to the SMC for, by visiting my site in what I
would consider to be
large numbers, I have been inspired to refine my craft, to
write better, to
make better graphics and layouts. I am very grateful for
all the nice
e-mails, guestbook entries, links, and interviews. As for
those who have
flamed me or had problems with me in the past I hold no
grudges, and if I
have acted inappropriately I hope they will forgive me too.
I think the primary reason for leaving is the Sailormoon
anime itself, it
has been over for quite a while, and I have seen
practically all 200
episodes. I have been much entertained by it and loved it,
but subsequently
I have seen other animes that I felt entertained by and
loved even more
(Fushigi Yuugi immediately springs to mind). So, although
my affection for
the SM series remains (Sailorstars is on TV even as I
write), my passion
for it has faded. Without passion there is no inspiration,
I don't wish to
crank out pages with no feelings in them, it would be a
chore, and I would
be doing myself and my visitors no favor at all.
Even though I have subsequently seen several anime series
which I consider
to be better than SM I have no plan to create a web site
about them. This
brings me to my next reason. Having tasted fame of sorts
and found it to be
nice but ultimately meaningless I felt the need to move on.
I wanted more
time to read, watch TV, chat with friends etc. when web
authoring became my
passion I had to give up reading because I wanted to spend
every free
moment on improving my site, now I am happily plowing
through books again.
My final reason is personal, shortly before I stopped
updating the SM Zone
I became unhappy, this has nothing to do with the web site
itself, just a
melancholy phase I was going through. Obviously in that
state of mind I was
in no condition to write about SM! Even my friends became
irritated with my
general pessimistic outlook. I felt like my life was
meaningless, I lost my
peace of mind, and I was generally no good for anybody
including myself. I
bought and read several "self help" books and while they
were interesting
they didn't work for me. A lot of them advise that if you
want to be happy
you just consciously decide to be happy and if you do that
often enough and
with conviction you are there, I did give the idea a try
but it didn't
work, I didn't consciously decide to be unhappy so I
couldn't simply decide
to be happy either. One of these books had a strong
religious theme and I
became intrigued by the idea. Then I talked to several
friends who have
always been Christian and one thing led to another and I am
now a happy
Christian! ^_^ Far be it for me to discuss Christianity
here. I can imagine
a few guffaws from many readers at the mere mention of it.
I will not go in
to reasons why Christianity works for me, suffice to say
that it does, this
is hardly the appropriate venue for apologetics.
Before I wrap this up I would like to thank:
The AQ, and the M Squad : for their support and being
instrumental in
bringing the SM Zone (and SM Toolbox) to a wider audience
My friends, Ro, Naomi, Ruk, Jov, Bow, Rae, Calisto, Psyber,
Mara, Ben,
Skeeter, Elora, Sher, Sailor Grub, TC, Jared, Tomu, and
Lunar Dragon, all
have shown kindness and support for me in the past, for
which will always
be grateful.
My visitors: I am honored by everybody who visit my site,
everybody who
linked me, everybody who wrote to me to show their
appreciation, and
everybody who signed my guestbook (except silly flamers and
plug merchants
^^;). The SM Zone will not be taken down, as long as people
are still
interested in the contents it will always be around.
My thank to you all, God bless! ^_^
Comments on this article can be sent to: apatt.
