By: eViL rEbO
Disclaimer: This lemures is intended as a parody of the SOS article
"The Intriguing Relationship Between Haruka and Michiru." I do not hate
Haruka and Michiru. They are one of my favorite couples. I am not attacking
homosexuality, or being narrow-minded. Nothing could be further from
the truth. I am trying to attack the narrow-minded attitude of the SOS fan
organization, which made a mockery of the couple in 1998 by posting
their story about the supposed "Prince of Uranus" and claiming that Naoko
actually said this. It's all fake. So, in conclusion...there's a REASON why I
blew up SOS at the end. It's a joke, a joke, and nothing but a joke SO HELP
ME GOD! Thank you.
Haruka and Michiru (Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune) share an interesting
relationship that is rather unique by the standards of Western television, or
rather was until Ellen's coming out. Throughout the series, the two are
always together, and occasionally they show signs of affection for one
another; they never kiss, but subtle indications emerge to suggest a deeper
relationship that is obviously unclean and Nayko-sama would NEVER
write something so dirty, so obviously, we must tell you the real truth
that Nayko-sama herself is unaware of.
Many Western viewers see this and assume that the two are lesbians.
However, blind Japanese viewers don't see it that way because they
are blind. According to our VERY ACCURATE AND AUTHORITIVE
knowledge (i.e. None!) of the Japanese viewers, it seems that similar
relationships of trust and interdependence often develop among
Japanese girls, though by this logic, everyone in Japan is gay, and
their parents are happy to see this because it means that their daughter
will always have someone she can depend on and that Japan has no
laws against same-sex marriage.
In an bogus interview from a Japanese fan magazine (source
non-existant. Come on, we said it was in a magazine, who CARES
what from!), Naoko Takeuchi (the creator of the series) supposedly
explained Haruka and Michiru's relationship in terms of their past
history: During the Moon Kingdom, the Prince of Uranus was in love
with Sailor Neptune. His sister, Sailor Uranus, was mortally wounded
in the battle with Beryl's forces, but before she died she conferred her
powers onto him. Then Queen Serenity sent everyone to Earth, and
since all Senshi are female, and the Prince now had Senshi powers,
he was reborn as a girl; but even so, his love for Sailor Neptune
endured. Thus, according to this interpretation that Nayko-sensei
doesn't ever recall giving, they are not lesbians but former lovers
ironically reunited as the same gender because of our narrow-minded
attitudes towards homosexuality that required us to write this total
load of horsey crud because we believe that Nayko-sama would
NEVER write something so dirty. This interpretation has inspired much
debate, mostly because it's all fake, but we hope to confirm it with
Nayko-sama herself at ComicCon this August, though in truth, no
matter what she says, we'll say she said so anyway because we
are the SOS! We are NEVER EVER WRONG!
Whether due to past lives, romance, good friendship, or our twisted
minds, the relationship of Haruka and Michiru is yet another sweet
and entertaining aspect of the show that, and fans of the original
series devoutly hope that it will remain faithfully represented in any
future dubbed episodes. However, original fans are whiney purists
who (God forbid!) watch FANSUBS and claim that the one reason
our lives exist was ruined by DiC! These are some very bad children
and they will tell you lots of nasty lies about the "real" Sailormoon
and try to make you believe it is filled with homosexuality. Not only
that, but they seemed to find flaws with our Pop Tarts campaign.
They obviously are not as SMART and AMAZINGLY GREAT as we,
the SOS, and they are to be ignored. They will tell you that we are
useless and annoying, but WE are responsible for Sailor Moon's
very existence! (source unconfirmed) Especially that poor, misguided
little, um, girl(?), eViL rEbO whom, we believe, is hacking into our
servers to destroy the SOS page! Send in your UPC labels and
we'll put an end to her! Oh no, there she is with missiles....OH
NO!:::: a large explosion is heard:::
Comments on this article can be sent to:
(Evil) Rebo.
